Dear reader, let’s talk about people-pleasing.

I remember when I first moved to a new country. I was a young professional and a new mum, trying to find my place. Everything around me was unfamiliar; new faces, new culture, new rules. I wanted to belong so badly that I found myself saying “yes” to almost everything.

“Yes, I can help with that.”
“Yes, I’ll be there.”
“Yes, I don’t mind at all.”

But deep down… I did mind.

I thought I was building connections, but what I was really building was a quiet storm inside me. The more I agreed to things just to please others, the more frustrated and sad I became. I couldn’t understand it at first, wasn’t this what being liked and accepted was supposed to feel like?

Then one day, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Not just my face, but my soul. And I realized that I didn’t like the person looking back at me. She wasn’t me. She was a version I had created to keep everyone else happy, and in doing so, I had lost myself. My True Self!

That moment was the beginning of my journey back to me.

If you are struggling with people-pleasing, I want you to know you’re not alone. Many of us, especially women, fall into this trap without even realizing it. But here’s the truth: you can step out of it, and you can learn to live in a way that feels light, joyful, and true.

Here are a few gentle lessons I’ve learned along the way:

1. Have an honest conversation with yourself.
Find a quiet space and ask yourself some hard but loving questions:
Why am I feeling this way? Am I being true to myself? Are the people around me seeing the real me—or a version I’ve created to make them happy?

When we live to please others, we lose sight of our own identity and if you don’t define yourself, someone else will and you’ll end up living their version of your life instead of yours.

2. Dare to live in alignment with who you are.
Once you rediscover yourself, take small, gentle steps towards living that truth. Yes, some people may disapprove. Yes, some might even walk away. It will hurt. But ask yourself: Is wearing a mask worth keeping their company?

You deserve friendships and relationships that feel like a warm embrace, not a performance.

3. Give yourself the gift of time.
When someone asks you for something, resist the urge to answer immediately. A simple, “Let me think about it,” is enough. That pause is powerful—it gives you the space to check in with yourself before committing.

4. Build your self-esteem from the inside out.
People-pleasing thrives when we’re unsure of our worth. Strengthen your heart with truth:
I am worth knowing. I am loved by God. My values matter. Anyone who doesn’t respect them doesn’t deserve my closeness.

Your worth is not determined by how much you do for others. It’s woven into you simply because you exist.

I hope these words feel like a hand in yours; guiding you toward the life you were meant to live. If you want to talk more, I’d be delighted to listen. You can reach me at (+1-240-309-9169).

And never forget: God loves you, and so do I.

Your Coach for Your Limitless and Authentic Life!

Dr Odun